Nowadays social media often serves as a primary platform for political discussion. Many posts provoke strong reactions, especially when they challenge our beliefs. When individuals are navigating personal identity, values, and relationships these posts can be triggering, or upsetting at best. Deciding whether to engage with a politically charged post can be particularly fraught. The worst is when you open up your Instagram and your sister-in-law’s best friend posts something particularly inflammatory.
Should you respond or let it slide? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) both have helpful techniques for deciding whether or not to engage in the conversation.
First, how does the post make you feel? Are you angry, hurt, disappointed, confused? Sometimes we feel more than one of these at the same time. If you are an expert at emotion identification, you can even think about which feeling is stronger. By labeling your emotions, you create space to understand their impact on your decision-making.
Next, what is your emotion telling you to do? All emotions have an urge associated with them. Anger has the urge to attack, while sadness has the urge to avoid and retreat. Consider your urges. Remember an urge is not what you are planning to do, or what you will do, but it still holds a seat at the table.
What are you thinking when you read the post? You may be thinking “This is the worst thing they could post,” or “this person is a complete idiot.” Are we thinking clearly, or is our thinking slightly clouded by cognitive distortions such as all-or-nothing thinking, or catastrophic thinking? Sometimes our thoughts are sticky with emotion, and pulling the thought away from the feeling allows us to be less judgmental and descriptive in our experience.
What do you hope to achieve by responding? Are you aiming to educate, vent, or provoke thought? Clear goals can help clarify whether it’s important to engage. In DBT therapy, we consider which interpersonal effectiveness technique we want to use. Do we want to ask for something? Are we hoping to maintain the relationship? Is our goal to stand up for ourselves?
Once we’ve done a gut check, it’s time to look at the other side…
Consider the Relationship. What is your relationship like with this person? Is this a close friend, a distant acquaintance, or a stranger? Engaging with someone you know well may have different implications than brawling with your ex-boyfriend’s sister.
Next, assess the audience. Who else will see your response? Social media is a public forum, and your words may affect others. Are you prepared for the potential backlash, or could your response inspire productive discussion among others?
So now what do I do?
Before typing a response, take a moment to breathe. Sometimes I call this the power of the pause. This pause can prevent you from acting impulsively. You can write it out in a note or even in an email draft. Consider sleeping on it before deciding to respond. This time can help you approach the situation with a clearer mind.
Weigh the pros and cons. Create a list of potential outcomes for responding versus not responding. This can help clarify your thoughts and reveal any biases in your reasoning. Consider factors like relationship dynamics, emotional health, and the likelihood of productive conversation. Think about the pros and cons in terms of long-term and short-term benefits.
Practice radical acceptance. DBT has multiple ways in which an individual can solve a problem. Radical acceptance is one of them. Accept that differences in opinion are a part of life, especially in a politically diverse society. Embrace the idea that it’s okay to disagree. Sometimes, the best response is to let go and accept that not everyone will share your viewpoint.
If you decide to engage, what you say and how you respond matters. The goal should be to foster dialogue rather than escalate conflict.
- Use “I” statements: Something like “I feel confused,” will differently than “You are wrong.” Try to catch yourself before telling someone how they made you feel.
- Ask the other person questions: Instead of stating your disagreement outright, ask questions that invite deeper conversation. For example, “What experiences led you to feel that way?” This approach fosters understanding and can lead to more meaningful exchanges. Sometimes we have the urge to ask where they got their information. Be cautious about you tone when asking this, as it may come off as accusing them that their intel is bad.
- Focus on Common Ground: Highlight shared values or concerns. This technique helps create a sense of connection, making it easier to discuss differences respectfully.
- Tone Matters: Try to talk to them in person, or over the phone/facetime so they can hear the tone of your voice and can see your face. 1:1 is always better than in a group setting.
If you do engage, here are some signs it might be better to step back:
- Are we going up the emotional escalator with no way to get off? If the conversation becomes heated or unproductive, it may be time to disengage. Recognize when continued discussion could harm your mental health or relationship.
- If you feel like there is a lack of respect, take a step back. If the poster responds with hostility or dismissiveness, it’s okay to walk away. Engaging with someone unwilling to listen can be draining and counterproductive.
- Consider your mental and emotional well-being. If engaging in political discourse online is negatively impacting your mood or causing stress, prioritize self-care. Take some time away from social media and spend it with family and friends.
A social media fight is rarely a good choice! If you decide that you don’t want to engage, that doesn’t mean you have to do nothing. You could focus on sharing your perspective by making a page to spread awareness, start donating to a cause, etc.
If you are finding yourself struggling to manage your emotions around social media, reach out to book a complimentary informational call with our team.
